


Fears

by BookshopLaura



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Magic Revealed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-21
Updated: 2014-04-21
Packaged: 2018-01-20 07:29:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1501883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BookshopLaura/pseuds/BookshopLaura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Merlin accidentally lets slip his magic, he waits for Arthur's reaction and fears the worst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fears

Merlin is mucking out the stable with far too much enthusiasm. He's trying not to think, but he's failing miserably. He shouldn't have said anything, shouldn't have let his secret slip. Arthur, who is usually so oblivious when Merlin slips up. Who usually takes Merlin at his word, had insisted on knowing what was upsetting Merlin. And Merlin had finally run out of excuses. Or maybe part of him didn't want to keep making up excuses. Whatever the reason, Arthur had pinned him with a level stare and Merlin had finally told Arthur what he'd wanted to tell him for years. Arthur had sat watching him, his hands hands gripping tightly to the arms of the chair he's sitting in, his knuckles whitening. When Merlin had finished talking he'd looked up. Arthur's look was unreadable. Guarded, defensive. He thinks he can see hurt and betrayal but only because he knows that's how Arthur is feeling. Because Arthur is totally locked off from him now. He manages another shaky 

"Sorry." before he gets up and leaves. He spends the next few hours in the stable, trying to relieve his anxiety in physical action. But he can't. Mucking the stables requires too little thought, so they revert to Arthur and how he's ruined everything. How any minute a guard will charge through the door and arrest him. Maybe Arthur will be feeling merciful. Maybe he'll be exiled back to Ealdor, to his mother. Maybe he can go into hiding, look after Arthur from afar. Then again maybe this time tomorrow he'll be hoisted on a pyre and burnt to a crisp. He shakes himself and throws the shovel aside, the mucking finished. 

He turns his attention to Arthur's horse, getting the brushes and starting to rub her down. This does distract Merlin a little more. Llamrei is a docile mare, but she likes attention. So when Merlin starts brushing her she does nuzzle him, demanding petting and no doubt expecting an apple. Merlin can't help but laugh, running his fingers through her coarse hair. For a bitter moment he wonders if she'll miss him. If she'll even notice. 

He jumps at the sound of the stable door being opened, freezing mid brush. He hears footprints making their way towards the stall where he's working. They stop by the stall door. For a few minutes Merlin stares at a piece of Llamrei's hair that he's just brushed. He can't bring himself to look up at the guard, to hear the words he's dreading to hear. 

"You're here." Merlin looks up at Arthur, whose standing there alone, arms folded staring seeming at Llamrei's hooves. 

"Yes." says Merlin, unsure. He resumes brushing Llamrei, who's head and ears have pricked up at the sound of Arthur's voice. 

"I thought you might have run." says Arthur flatly. Merlin knows that he should have, really. 

"I'll face whatever punishment you want." if you'll forgive me, if we can go back to how things were. That's too much to ask. Merlin knows that, but he can't help thinking it. Then there's a rustling and Arthur is coming to stand beside him. His hand stills Merlin's mid stroke as he works on Llamrei's mane. It's a firm hold, but it's not painful. It's warm. After a moment Merlin turns to meet Arthur's eyes. They're firm. Resolute. Not hateful. It sparks a hope. 

"Are you loyal to me?" He fixes Merlin with a glare that demands the truth. But Merlin's relieved to give it. He turns to face him, clasping Arthur's hand between both of his without realising it. Arthur glances down at their hands intertwined as Merlin begins to speak.

"Of course I am! I have always been loyal to you! Everything I have done is for you, for your destiny. I would do anything for you, Arthur, anything!" Arthur's looking back up at him now, eyes wide, unsure. 

"Do you believe me?" pleads Merlin, his heart racing, gripping Arthur's hand tightly, his nails digging in slightly.

"Merlin, I want to. I'm not sure I'd want to... I couldn't stand a world where I can't... trust you."

"You can, Arthur, you can trust me. I'm sorry I lied. I'm sorry. I didn't want to, you can trust me!" he's babbling but Arthur needs to see, needs to understand. 

"Can I?" the hand he's holding is gripping back.

"I would die for you Arthur." say Merlin seriously and suddenly Arthur's face drops, darkens. He's pulling his hand out of Merlin's grip. Merlin is just about to protest when Arthur's hands are framing his face, dragging it close to Arthur's. He's frowning, pouting, but there's a wildness in his eyes. A possessiveness.

"Don't you dare! I will not lose you!" And then he's closing the millimetres between then, pressing a bruising kiss to Merlin's lips before pulling back, shocked. Merlin doesn't even think before he replies in kind, his hands grabbing at Arthur's shirt. It's short, more tender, just a press of lips, before Arthur's breaking the kiss, leaning his forehead against Merlin's.

"I mean it, Merlin. I can't lose you."

"Does this mean you're not going to burn me at the stake?" asks Merlin lightly, his head giddy. 

"Don't even joke about it, Merlin." And when Merlin looks at Arthur's face he can see pain and fear. 

"I have been close, too close to losing you too many times. I can't..." 

Merlin doesn't know what to say. Because he knows how that feels. So he just wraps his arms around Arthur's middle and buries his face into Arthur's neck. Arthur's only reply is to wrap his arms around Merlin's neck and cling to him.

**Author's Note:**

> I felt like I'd made Arthur too mean recently so I've given him a break.


End file.
